Ooh, don't touch me.

Sorry. I didn't mean to startle you. It's just that we just talking, just now, and you were laughing at a joke and you leaned in and put your hand on my arm and I just wanted to ask you if you would please not do that. You didn't insult me, you didn't piss me off, it's a perfectly natural thing to do, but it just makes me a little uncomfortable, when people touch me.

I don't know, I've been this way as long as I can remember. There are two types of people roaming this earth and those are touchy people and non-touchy people. I am a non-touchy person. There is a wall I imagine in front of me, no, not really a wall, more like a bubble, a bubble I imagine around me, tiny and flimsy and delicate to the touch, like a soap bubble, all around me. And this bubble expands and contracts depending on the person I'm interacting with but the bubble never disappears, you understand, it could be shrinkwrapped to my body but it never quite

Ooh, don't touch me.

Sorry, it's just that you did it again. I understand that there's touchy people in the world. A lot of my friends are touchy people, big hug when they see you, big hug again when they leave, kisses on your cheek, head in your lap, grasping your shoulder to make a point, hand on your arm when they like one of your jokes. I understand that there are touchy people in the world. It's just that I am not a touchy person. It just makes me a little uncomfortable, when people touch me.

I think maybe I think about it differently than most do. To me a human touch, skin on skin, flesh on flesh, is an incredibly powerful and intimate thing. To me a human touch, fingers on arm, head in lap, is an action would should be confined to lovers, or at the very least very very good friends. I suspect that this belief is wrong. I suspect that this belief is dysfunctional. I suspect that this belief is a big part of why I have so many dating problems. But I've learned that to embrace myself I have to accept my faults as well as my strengths and that's what

Ooh. Don't touch me.

I'm sorry. It's just that when I touch someone it is a heavily codified statement that I am interested in them. When I put my hand on your arm what I am really saying is that I like you. I'm attracted to you. I am interested in spending more time with you and possibly entering into an intimate relationship.

And see, when someone does that back to me I get confused. I mistake other people's actions for my own actions, which as we all know is wrong. You may or may not like me. You may or may not be attracted to me. You may or may not be a touchy person. I don't know. I only met you ten minutes ago. You act like you're attracted to me. You maintain a steady eye contact with me as we talk. You laugh at all my jokes whether or not they're funny. You slyly change the topic of conversation each time the current topic has run out of new things to be said about it. You act slightly pissed off when your friends tell you that they're bored and that they want to leave. But if life has taught me one thing it is that you cannot rely on any of these things as a guarantee that someone is attracted to you and

Ooh. Please. Don't touch me.

I'm sorry. It's just that everytime you touch me it gives me a slightly uncomfortable feeling, like when you're at some hipster bar and they show pornography on the overhead televisions. We all roam this earth terribly sad and lonely and afraid and. I'm sorry. I'm speaking in generalizations again. I roam this earth terribly sad and lonely and afraid and everytime you put your hand on my arm you remind me of all the people in the past I've ever been intimate with and you remind me of all the people in the future I will eventually be intimate with and you remind me of how terribly sad and lonely and afraid I am right now, right this second. Everytime you put your hand on my arm and laugh at one of my unfunny jokes I want to grab your hand and whisk you away and make love to you on an empty el train. Everytime you put your hand on my arm you make me want to burst into tears, and lord knows I cry enough on my own without anyone else's help.

If you really are attracted to me I encourage you to just say so. I'm certainly attracted to you and I've been telling you in the strongest and clearest possible way that I know how. I know that it's easier said than done. Courage should be a difficult thing to achieve, because if it wasn't than every asshole would be courageous and there'd be nothing special about it at all. But please, if you're doing these things for reasons of your own design, then I'm asking you. I'm begging you. Please.

Don't touch me.