The wonderful thing about poets

I watched The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh over Christmas 1998, and I realized that if we all lived in the Thousand Acre Woods, poets would all be Tiggers--after all, Tigger was always showing up to events unannounced, eating everyone's food, being dramatic and emotional, wreaking havoc, and was always the most self-absorbed motherfucker at the party. Inspired by that idea I wrote the following poem, which can be sung to the tune "The Wonderful Thing About Tiggers."

The wonderful thing about poets
are poets are wonderful things
They drink and they fuck till late in the night
and see what the daylight brings

They write and they fight and they use all their might
to try to have some fun
but the most wonderful thing about poets
is I'm the only one!

Poets hate other poets
They give us all a bad name
They suck and they suck and they suck and they suck
while I go on to fame!
Don't you write, don't you read, just go take your seat
You're ignorant, stupid and dumb
and the most wonderful thing about poets
is I'm the only one!

Now here's the bridge of my little song about
how my heart's made of fine glass -- I watch
Winnie the Pooh and Piglet too
but Tigger can kiss my ass

I'm the greatest of poets you ever did see
Funny, urbane, a great wit
and if you happen to disagree
You should ask if I give a shit!

The wonderful thing about poets
is poets are always on drugs
Anti-depressents, comic suppressants
Their eyes always look like bugs

Now drugged little poets don't want any flack
We just hate the whole world you see
and the most wonderful thing about poets is
they all suck but me!

Now here's the end of my little song
Consider this before I go,
that I was real stoned when I wrote this
I'll regret it tomorrow

But 'till that fine time when I'm sober again
let me remind you before I am done
that the most wonderful thing about poets is...

I'm the only one!

Copyright 1998, Jason Pettus. All rights reserved.