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Reaffirming my faith
In the world
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under the world just above
somewhere we like to call home
each of us grapple with our own death wish
Down into the earth we all dig with
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tiny plastic children's shovels
Or attempt to plunge straight in, headfirst, much as
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the ostrich contemplates life
Here is where
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ink turns miracuously into blood
Night lingers throughout the entire day
Killings somehow twist themselves into suicides, and we somehow
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tow the line between optimistic cynicism and despondency
How, I don't know
And some tell me that their god helps them
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to present a happy
grin to me
over this persistant wish to
die screaming and clawing their throat
Water fills my hole even as I shovel furiously
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and I drown even as I am buried
Suffocating in my private
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deep underworld which they will never see, never touch
Everyone but you thinks
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atheism is trite
Deep rumblings from confused teens
Nihilistic empty threats from hipster artists
Others believe they stand in my kiddie-shoveled underworld
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when they read my blood-soaked ink ramblings
I know the truth.
The world just under the world where we live
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holds countless crimes and
I know the
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nighttime atrocities I have committed
Kitchen knives I have plunged into
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hearts, fingers wrapped around windpipes and squeezed so tightly
Each sin perpetrated consciously, maliciously, with no guilt
Sometimes even to you
Just gods have no place in our secret worlds
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until I'm ready to
say that it's
time to let you creep
into my hole, to drown together
No one's glimpsed my pitch black underworld except you
Because, I discovered, you'd been there all along
Even now you're there
Denying god, forgiving my sins yourself, awaiting my return
Back to 'Jasonettes'
Copyright 1998, Jason Pettus. All rights reserved.
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