Coming and going

There
is
come
just
everywhere

I think
as I lie in bed next to you
you sleeping away
me wanting to sleep away

There is dried come all across my belly
wet come all across the sheets
come on your outsides
and your insides
splashed across your bottom
drying on that
little
silver
ring
that is your secret

and (now mine)

and you do not bother to clean yourself
but instead konk out
spread-eagled
spread across the sodium lights
because you are a warm person
and you are a hot person
so the stale humid
warm
hot
air in the room
does not bother you

you even turn the fan off

you even get under the covers
and let the warm and hot
come of mine
and come of yours
slowly dry
on your outsides
and your insides

and I watch you this morning
iron a dress
dressed
only in a pair of white cotton panties
and I think
you are the only person who's ever made me come while they were on top

and

you are the only person who's ever smoked a cigarette while I went down on them

and

you are the only person who's ever made me feel comfortable
lying around naked
on the bed
in the middle of the daylight hours
the unblemished sun
highlighting
my blemished body
my erection
having no business
and no purpose
but no problem
either
in your eyes
or mine

You are the only person who's ever made me feel sexy
and masculine
and like maybe
just maybe
you wanted to sleep with me
because

YOU WANTED TO SLEEP WITH ME

and not because of what I say
or what I think
or who I am
or how I feel
but because you wanted to sleep with me

(Although
I know it's not true
because you've already told me
because
it was
because
of what I say
and what I think
and who I am
and how I feel
)

but that doesn't matter
because you make me FEEL like
you wanted to sleep with me
because
you wanted to sleep with me

You're the only person who's ever thought it okay to
go to sleep
with fluids
and sex
and sticky
and gooey
all over
like hey, that's the fucking point
of
fucking,
right?

That you are the most loud, fervent, violently anti-porn person I've ever known
but you fuck more like porn than anyone I've ever known
(and there's got to be some
connection
there,
right?)

And I could tell you all the other things I was thinking,
like how glad I am that you've shared these fears
that no one else would ever guess would be going through
your particular head

like how I've waited my entire life for someone
to utter the magic words you did:
"I've had this big crush on you"

like how surprised and happy I was
to find out that
you're not nearly the psychotic
you portray yourself on TV

But all of this would be beside the point
and would be told to you
just because you don't believe them yourself
and I want you to believe them
to know they're true

when my
real point
is that
you inspire
heavy metal
rock cliches
from me

You
rock
my
world

And you catch me staring at you
and you laugh and say in your sneering voice
"So whaddya gonna write about ME in that little book you're doing"

and I laugh

and I say

"I dunno."

Copyright 1996, Jason Pettus. All rights reserved.