To: mmm@getty.com
From: tristan@worldcom.com
Date: 3/15/97, 9:05 pm
Subj: Two's company... six is a huge mess

Oh boy, my group sex story. What a catastrophe. I'm pretty much convinced that humans weren't meant to all have sex with each other at the same time, and I have yet to hear a story that makes me change my mind.

It was graduation. A whole group of us who had been friends for a long time went out that night, loaded with money that our parents had slipped us earlier in the day, and we got pretty loaded, just sort of cut loose that night (as can be expected).

We ended up at a friend's house, Mary... oh, maybe I should do a little Dramatis Personae (or whatever that's called) for you:

Mary, who I had always had a crush on
Eric, our hero
David, who had dated Mary at one point
Perry, who had been in a band with David
Linda, Mary's best friend
Beth, another of our circle

And we were all at a point where NONE of us were dating. So.

We had picked up all this liquor and were sitting around, drinking and playing music. And someone got the bright idea of playing strip poker, and we all sort of looked at each other, you know, eyebrows raised, but we all decided to play.

And it sort of degenerated from there, as you can well imagine. At a certain point there were still some people with some clothes on, and others who were no good at poker (like moi) who were completely naked. And so then we were trying to figure out a way to keep the naked people still in the game even though they had nothing else to lose, so then we decided that the winner of each hand either got the normal piece of clothing from everyone, or got to tell the naked people to DO something, like Truth or Dare.

Needless to say, all the commands were sexual in nature -- "David has to kiss me," "Mary has to kiss ME," "Perry has to kiss Linda!" which degenerated into "Beth has to hold my dick for the whole next hand" and "Eric has to suck my nipples for thirty seconds," just even more silly stuff.

And then Mary won a hand (at this point we had all been naked for like twenty minutes, were now just using the dares as the "winnings") and she said, "Eric and David have to kiss me at the same time," which was the first time a command had been issued to more than one person, and that's what really opened the floodgates. David kissed her on the mouth, started really making out with her, and I started sucking all over her neck, and the next thing I know, Linda's started kissing my shoulders and back, and soon we were all in this mass of flesh on the floor. And then someone, I don't even know who, said, "Let's go to the bed!" and we all laughed and jumped up and that's when it started getting really... heavy.

Once we got to the bed, all pretenses from before were off, we all knew that we were all there to get FUCKED, any and every way and orifice possible. And God, I get so turned on when I think of this story but stop my memories right at this point. Everything was going so perfectly, just exactly like you always thought an orgy would be -- there's just lips and hands and legs touching me everywhere, I'm just searching out and touching flesh with my tongue, any flesh, every flesh, didn't matter who, I was just surrounded in SEX from every angle. Jesus. And at the high point of the affair, the point before it all came crashing down, the group had actually moved into the real no-going-back phase -- at a certain point, I know somebody was sucking on my dick, I don't know who, I didn't even look down, but as soon as I felt that, I remember very specifically thinking, "Well, there's no going back now."

Boy, was I wrong. I guess in theory you can have that perfect "group sex" experience, this exact perfect makeup of people, where nobody's jealous, nobody has any hidden agendas, where there's just this free flow of love and lust and bodily fluids everywhere and everyone has a really good time. But just like the "perfect commune," the idea really exists in theory only and is almost impossible to pull off in the real world of jealousy and pettiness and baggage.

In our case, it was really the politics of the past that started ruining it, and I am by no means saying that I was innocent. I said that I had had a crush on Mary for four years -- well, Mary and I had tried to hook up back when we were very young and it just didn't work out, but we had always had this huge sexual tension hanging between us (yeah, like your comment from last week, if I had a dime for every sexual tension I've had over the years...) And I had always been jealous of her and Dave's relationship, because he was kind of an asshole to women, I didn't think he treated her right (the hidden statement here being "he didn't treat her as well as I knew *I* could treat her"). And I knew that at the end of the summer we'd all be moving away and I knew that this would probably be my last chance to have sex with her, ever.

Meanwhile, David started getting really protective of Mary while we were all in bed, like they were still dating or something, and he ended up moving his body so it was directly over hers, so nobody else could get in. And this was okay with Perry and Linda, because then THEY started getting pretty heavy with each other. So now all of a sudden, instead of this great "group sex" experience, it's starting to turn into three couples having sex, which I didn't want at all. ESPECIALLY because I wasn't very attracted to Beth -- and neither was the rest of the group (it's just the truth. Beth was kind of overweight and ended up in this thing mostly because she happened to be hanging out with us that night).

So then it started getting VERY ugly. I'm trying to move in on Mary (I'm thinking in my drunk head, "You know, David, you had sex with her for a year straight, so why do you have to do it again tonight?") and Linda's trying to be egalitarian and still trying to make some moves with me and Perry at the same time, but now I'm so obsessed with having sex with Mary that it's all I can think about, and the more I'm pressuring, the more of a dick David's becoming, and then Beth realizes that NO ONE's paying ANY attention to her, she's all of a sudden sitting on the side of the bed by herself. And then Beth starts yelling, "Hey, what the fuck is this!" and then David turns on his charm with the ladies that I was complaining about, he says, "You know, Beth, if you don't like what's going on, you can always leave" and then Beth gets really mad and storms out of the room, which then makes Mary sort of come out of her ecstatic stupor and size up the situation, and then Mary starts CRYING, right in the middle of it, in the middle of the bed, "Oh God, what am I doing? Oh God oh God..." just sobbing. And then we're all trying to calm her down because we realize that the whole thing is on the verge of collapsing, we're like, "It's okay, Mary, we're just having fun, come on, lie down, it's all right," and then Mary sits up and starts screaming, "No, it's NOT all right! God, why was I thinking of FUCKING you again, Dave? You totally screwed me over last year and I can't fucking believe I was going to FUCK you again! Oh God, what's wrong with me? I'm sick, I'm so sick!" and then SHE ran out of the room and ended up locking herself in the bathroom and throwing up for about an hour...

...and needless to say, the whole thing pretty much ended at that point.

And it literally took us YEARS to reform our friendships with each other after that night. Whew, there was SO much bad blood that passed that night. It was such a shame, because the whole first half of the story is so godamned sexy.

I mean, of course I'd love to have some sort of group sex experience actually work. Like you said, I think it's maybe the one most common sexual fantasy among humans. But also like I said, I have yet to hear of one single, solitary incident of group sex that's EVER worked out. And I guess there's a reason.

Well, that's it. Be glad that Mark was asleep, because the chances are very likely that your experience with Susan would've never happened if he had been awake.

Eric

p.s. The only other time I've ever gotten close to a threeway was once when I was at a 4th of July party, two lesbians made out in front of me and I got really turned on watching them. But neither of them even knew I existed, so I guess that's not a very good story.

pps. I just got your latest letter. My next question for you is: even though you've never had sex with a stranger, what's the closest you've gotten to that? My answer to your new question is actually quite strange and might make YOU start thinking differently of ME. But I will take the chance and tell you in my next letter.

ppps. I have a non-sexual question too (God forbid!). I know you have a lot of bad feelings about it, but I'd like to know about the time you dumped all your nerd friends. You obviously have gone back to hanging out with nerds again -- what happened? What did you learn by changing friends and changing lifestyles?

Back to 't.w.o.h.'

Copyright 2000, Jason Pettus. All rights reserved.