An ode to Shappy

(My friend and fellow poet Shappy got pissed at me back in 2000, because I was always mentioning my friends at my website but never mentioning him. I humbly submit this small ode in the hopes that it will please him.)

Hail! Hail! to Shappy fair!
With cool-ass clothes and perfect hair!
His belly is round and his glasses are square!
Hail! Hail! to Shappy fair!

I like Shappy. He's a really nice guy. He writes this poetry that's really funny but it's really truthful too. They're about things like Star Wars and Crunchberries and his scrotum. Some people say that Shappy's not a 'real' poet. But I say Shappy's the only poet in America who is real!

Shappy's got the coolest job in the whole world, which is at Quimby's Queerstore which has a bunch of comics and underground novels and chapbooks and trading cards and Eightball Zippos and dirty books and everything. When I'm bored Shappy lets me hang around in the store and read all day, and he gives me sodas and lets me smoke cigarettes indoors. And whenever I'm short on cash I'll bring some books down to Quimby's and Shappy will buy them so I can go get drunk. And Quimby's will carry the books that I write and they never give me any trouble and they'll recommend my books to my customers! And Shappy hired me to write reviews for their website and catalog! Yay Quimby's!

Shappy takes me out drinking in Wicker Park. He knows every employee of every bar in the entire neighborhood and we never have to pay cover and we never have to wait in line and we always get free drinks. Shappy gets me really really drunk when we go out. Then we talk about all kinds of interesting things. Shappy's never leaving me to go run across the room and flirt with some woman. Unlike most of my friends! Shappy will also give me money sometimes when I'm really broke and need to buy cigarettes, because Shappy is really cool.

Shappy really liked my first novel and told me all kinds of great things about it and recommended it to everyone he knew. And he likes my new novel and has told me all kinds of great things about it. I'd like to publish one of Shappy's chapbooks but we haven't gotten it together yet. But we will soon!

Yes, I like Shappy. He's my favorite, bestest friend in the whole wide world. And he's really, really, really cool.

Hail! Hail! to Shappy fair!
His fly's undone but he doesn't care!
He once had sex with our friend Liz Phair!
Hail! Hail! to Shappy fair!

Copyright 2000, Jason Pettus. All rights reserved.