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he thought. It was an unusually hot June day, must be100 degrees in his apartment, easy, and he would go to the library but he'd already been at the library for six hours and couldn't stand another minute of it. His usual coffeehouse was closed for some reason or another, one of those reasons coffeehouses close for the day, so he had gone to one by his house he usually doesn't go to because it was a non-smoking coffeehouse and he had quit quitting smoking because it was too expensive to quit smoking right now. They call them baristas here, he noted, not employees, and what exactly is a barista? One of those weird European words that sneak into coffeehouse vernacular, he supposed, much like Grande and Latte and Torrano. He was sitting in the corner typing on his laptop knowing that everyone else thought he was an evil yuppie for typing on his laptop on a hot June day, and he looked up at his barista and thought I've seen her naked, I'm absolutely sure of it. He collects internet amateur pornography because after 15 years of collecting pornography he's bored with it and internet amateur pornography is the only thing that can get him excited anymore. | |
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He collects blurry non-color-adjusted photos taken with instamatics and scanned into JPEG format and posted on 30 million websites, and he brings them to his hard drive and categorizes them like his own personalized pornography magazine and he takes out his laptop on lonely Saturday nights and masturbates to his fellow slacker compatriots without them knowing. It was a blistering hot day and the air-conditioner in the coffeehouse wasn't on, must've been a 100 degrees in there, hot enough to make an albino sweat a genius movie director would say if there really was such a thing as a genius movie director. He realized that his barista had posed naked on the internet, not just naked but filthy, absolutely lewd poses on her bed, pile of CDs in the background, row of stuffed animals in the background, mountain bike hung from the ceiling in the background. | |
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He realized that he rememberedthis because she had short hair and small breasts and a pierced belly and exhibited all those other traits that had made him start collecting internet amateur pornography because after 15 years he was bored with pornography. And he realized that she didn't know that he had masturbated many, many times to her on lonely Saturday nights and that he had fairly fallen in love with her and had spent many nights wondering who she was and what her story was and why she had posed so lewdly and why she had posted those photos for public consumption. She came by with a pitcher of coffee and said, Nice laptop. Is that a 1400? And he said Yes and she said I just got a G3 and it's amazing, runs four times as fast as my last computer. He said Do you ever go on the internet? and she snorted and said God, I live on the internet and he looked at her and she looked at him and all of a sudden they both knew. And they just stared at each other for a few seconds and then she refilled his cup and said Do you need room for cream? and he said No thanks. She filled his cup and sighed and shrugged and said, The heat can sure do some crazy things to you sometimes. |
