The following can also be found in the book Chicago Stories 2000. Click here to learn more, and to download a free electronic copy.

Right now, out there, your future spouse is standing on the other side of the bar. They are there and you are here and you are both scanning the room and your eyes meet and they linger for too long, they lock onto each other and you think My God, that's it, that's my future spouse, but that's not what you tell yourself. You say to yourself I think I know that person from someplace, and you go over to the person and you say to them Aren't you that friend of my friend and we were at that one party over at that guy's apartment that one night, you know, we were listening to that song and that woman was making those drinks we were gulping down. And your future spouse says Yes, I remember that, we were talking about that one thing and the band we had both just seen, we were debating this political point and then we started talking about that writer, you know, the one with the books. And the two of you will keep talking and neither of you have ever met before but you'll convince yourself otherwise and they'll buy a drink and you'll buy a drink and you'll buy them a drink and they'll buy you a drink and then the bartender will buy both of you a drink, and you will toast the bartender, and you will tip the bartender too much because they said what a cute couple you are and they know you're not a couple but they said it anyway to help you get lucky. And you and your future spouse will move to a table and they'll light your cigarettes and you'll light their cigarettes and one of those people that hand out cigarettes will come by and get into a conversation with you and THEY'LL say what a cute couple you are and you and your future spouse will laugh nervously and slip your hands into each other's underneath the table. And your future spouse will suddenly kiss you, they'll put their soft lips onto yours and you will think of how great this night is, you will think My God, I could marry this person, and you WILL marry this person, out there somewhere, you will walk into a church you don't believe in and swear your love in front of a bunch of people you don't like, you will sit at a banquet table and watch your drunk uncle do the chicken dance, out there somewhere, but here you sit at the table and hold hands and you will say to them, When we need to be somewhere we are taken to nowhere, and when I want to be everywhere I end up being anywhere. T is to I as M is to E, we think it's a straight and narrow line but it's more like the splattered remains of a cell phone after being chucked off the observation deck of the John Hancock building by an angry ex-lover. I SEE YOU IN FOUR DIMENSIONS. You are seven and you are cold. You are 77 and you are frail. You are 17 and you are angry. You are 27 and you are with me. And technically this night will never end if you look at the construct of time in a spatial manner rather than the narrative one, which means you should come home with me now and we will make love like crazed weasels. And your future spouse will say All you had to do was ask and the two of you will skip off, two prepubescents playing hopscotch with one rock, two middle-agers counting each other's pills and arguing over who's going to take back the videos, two studs in the prime of their lives with one of your penises in one of the other one's vaginas, sweating, screaming, kicking, but that's out there somewhere. In here they are on the other side of the bar. You are both scanning the room and your eyes meet. In here. Out there. In here. Out there.