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Luke and Leia decide they've gone through too much shit in the last 24 hours, and they deserve to have a drink. So they go up to the space station cantina and get trashed.

That night they ended up fucking.

And they lied in their aluminum bed, the glow of the mother planet softly illuminating the curves of their faces, the curves of their bodies, and Luke said, "God, it's like you fill this hole that's been missing my whole life. It's like we moved as one. You're like my lost soulmate who I've finally found."

And Leia said, "I have many issues. I think I may be so domineering because I was abandoned as a child. I resent my mother for going away before I really knew her. I'm glad I've met you, Luke, because you bring out the sensitive, caring side of me I always knew was there."

And Luke said, "Yes. I come from a dysfunctional childhood too. I think maybe you and I could sense that, and it's why we sought each other out."

And Leia said, "Yes. I don't want this to be a one-night-stand. Let's continue this, and see where it goes."

So Luke and Leia became an item, and soon they were seen showing up to all the strategy meetings together, and soon C-3PO stopped thinking of his master as Luke and started thinking of it as "Lukeandleia."

Oh, and Leia started dragging Luke along to the Rebel Alliance open mic, where she espoused such verse as:

my heart
is like a Wookie
hairy and
screaming with a
pathetic yowl

And Luke was constantly trying to impress Leia -- "Look, I built a new light saber! Look, I can shoot down laser beams with my eyes closed!" And Luke was constantly asking her questions in bed -- "Come on, baby, admit it, I've got the biggest power of the Force of any guy you've ever been with." And she'd giggle and roll her eyes at his obvious attempts to woo her, and was charmed by it, and she'd whisper back, "Yes, but remember, never be seduced by the dark side," and their late-night rollings and kissings would begin all over again.

And all was fine and good in the fight against the evil empire. But one day Luke started noticing how much Leia would bring Han into the conversation. "Oh, poor Han," she'd say over dinner at the royal palace. "He seems to have gotten in over his head." "Oh, that Han," she'd murmur as they practiced their x-wing skills. "I just feel so guilty. I just feel like maybe I was part of the problem."

Luke finally got angry one day. "Han this and Han that," he yelled. "Jeez, it's like you want to get back together with the guy!"

"No, no, baby," Leia said, putting her arms around him. "It's just that... well, you and I seem to be doing so well these days. And Han just seems to be in such a pickle. Don't you think we could just help him out a little? You know, give him a hand with that whole situation he's got, all that money he owes the mafia."

"Well..." Luke said.

"Come on. Just because I'm dating you doesn't mean I can't stop caring about Han. He's a good friend. And I just hate to see a friend get in so much trouble, especially when we were partly to blame. Come on, let's help him out."

"Well..." Luke said. "Let me think about it."

Luke started dressing all in black. And he start fixating on his relationship with his dad. And finally, after a lone weekend hanging out with old friends of his from the Force, he sat Leia down.

"Okay, I'll do it. I'll help him out. But you have to promise me that this doesn't change anything. I mean, we'll still be together when all of this is over, right?"

"Oh, absolutely, honey. You know I love you. Han is old news, just a guy from my past. Now," she said, unrolling a blueprint. "I've been thinking of a plan. It involves me wearing a bikini..."