The following can also be found in the book Chicago Stories 1997. Click here to learn more, and to download a free electronic copy.

I.
The battles lost

Someday I'll be dead.

It might come tonight
when I cross the street against the light
It might come a hundred years from now,
when my body finally says
after ten million heartbeats
"I'm tired."
"I've had enough."

I wonder, sometimes, what you will say about me.

"He was a good writer
He was a bad writer
He was an important artist
He was a forgettable artist
He was a good fuck
He was a bad fuck

I sit in my room and I type
and I type and I type and I type
I sit in the coffeehouse and I type
and I type and I type and I type
I sit in my lover's room and I

"Why did he have to die
Bout time that asshole kicked off
He was my teacher
He was my student

We wage the war everyday,
the artists do
The war of creation
fighting god
inch
by every inch
fighting inertia
fighting plagues
fighting famine
inch
by
every

"I loved him
I hated him
Who?

We wage the war
evvvvv
errrrrr
eeeeee
day
and I have seen the battles
the battles that have been won
and I have seen the battles
the battles that have been lost

I've seen them,
seen the battles
with these
two eyes too

What will you say about me when I'm dead?

When do I become immortal?

The war never ends
The privates just become corporals
the corporals become sergeants
the sergeants, lieutenants
the lieutenants, captains
captains majors
majors colonels
colonelsgenerals

and the generals?
Well, they just die
and pray that they have become Patton
or will turn into one soon

I have seen the battles won
and I have seen the battles lost

I have seen my comrades fall
and they are not the Pattons
they are not the generals
but the lost, innocent kids from Alabama

He lied on his registration card so they'd take him
worked and sweated and
dreamed at night
of killing the enemy
dreamed at night
of being wrapped
in the holy shroud
of an American flag

and was shot in the back
behind a tree
while taking a piss

I have seen this with my own eyes
the battles won
and the battles lost

"He was a genius
He was a hack
He was a saint
He was the Devil

No one sings ballads about privates
No one sings praises about

What will you say about me when I'm dead?

When do I become immortal?
please tell me

And I sing now
I sing the ballads for my
fallen comrades
I sing for
the battles lost
I sing for the private
shot in the back
while taking a piss

What will you say about me when I'm dead?

Will you sing a ballad for me?

II.
The Plague

Children, please,
stop horsing around
stop running around
you're giving your grandpa a headache
Come, children,
come sit on your grandpa's lap
and he will tell you about the plague
the plague that ravaged him and his brothers for years

1983 is the first memory I have of the plague
but I must've known about it before
because my first memory of the plague
is sitting around
talking about
what can be done about the plague

and who would've ever guessed
that the one guaranteed good free thing in life
would become the one guaranteed most dreaded thing in life

(We met through mutual friends
and hung out at the bar that night
We kept buying each other drinks
and that look
that look
kept passing between us
we talked about art
and artists
we talked about writing
and writers
and everything clicked
and I really liked her)

Do they forget to tell you now
why the plague got so bad?
Is it revisionist history?
Are they too ashamed to tell you
that the government didn't want to
admit
that the plague existed
because it was little boys
getting the plague
from other little boys?

And when did it happen
that the one most precious thing in life
became the one most deadly?

"They deserve it
God's telling them something
He's weeding, he's tending to the garden

(and I asked her if she had a portfolio
and she said sure back at her apartment
which of course it would be there
that's why I asked
and we weaved our way down the brick streets
arm in arm
and
hand in hand)

The best part about gay sex
used to be
that no one was going to get pregnant
so there was never a need for a condom

And we all know, children,
don't we,
we all know that little boys
who like little boys
don't necessarily
like
just
little boys
but many times they like little girls

"Get a piece of the rock

(I'm not even sure now
if we even got the door closed
if we even got inside the apartment
before we were making out
This sexual tension had been
churning
inside us all night
and I knew it about myself
and I suspected it about her
but was never really sure
until she had her keys out
then unexpectedly
jumped me
in the hallway)

And we all know, children,
don't we,
that my brothers-in-arms,
my comrades,
well...
many times
they are little boys
who like little boys
and little girls
who like little girls
or little boys and little girls
who like
EVERYONE

We fought against the plague
for so long
that the fight became an institution

The walk was sponsored
by Pepsi
The quilt was sponsored
by Microsoft
The parade was sponsored
by Miller Genuine Draft

They were planned a year in advance
because no one ever
suspected
or hoped
or dreamed
that the plague would be eradicated

The battles became formalized
stylized

(the first plague ever to have its own logo)

and was scanned
drawn
designed on Quark desktops
and copied
and emailed
and manufactured
and Hollywood celebrities
would wear the logo
proudly
because no one believed the plague could be fought
no one believed the war could be won

(and the next thing I know
clothes are sort of flying
and I have lips across my belly
nipples in my mouth
locks of her hair gripped in my closing fist
pushing
pushing down
skin meeting skin
elbow meeting neck)

People took on the fight
the war
as part of their life
so much so
that when you suggested that we might be winning
they would scream at you
yell at you
"How can you DARE suggest such a thing"
the plague became so pervasive
so overwhelming
that people forgot
that the entire point
was to wipe it out
People forgot
that the walks
and the runs
and the bikes
and the parades
and the quilts
the entire point
was to wipe it out

"I heard some guy fucked a monkey
and that's how it started
I heard that
I don't know if it's true
but I heard that
and it wouldn't surprise me
not in the least"

(I could feel the inside of her vagina
on my penis
the hot, moist walls
of her gender
her
sex
we were looking right into each other's eyes
it was like we were becoming one
it was a transcendent moment
just like it was meant to be)

Lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots
and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots
of my comrades died
Their bodies laid strewn
across the battlefield
like a Civil War photograph
Their carcasses were hoisted
high into the air
by my living brothers
Hoisted high in the air
for the rest of the world to see
and they would shout

"You did this
You, the silent
You, the weak
You, the uncaring
You, the scared
You did this
You killed them"

(I came up inside of her
all the way up
I could feel my sperm
shooting all the way up
to her heart
her lungs
her neck
her brain)

Gather round, children,
please, form a circle
and let me tell you about
The Great and Terrible Plague
that ravaged my comrades
that killed them off
by the thousands
Let me tell you about a disease
that no one expected
and no one knew how to deal with
The perfect disease
The perfect plague
Couldn't be any more sinister
if Tom Clancy decided to make it up in his head
for his next technothriller novel

(and after it was over
we were lying in bed
and she simply asked,
"Have you been tested?"
and I got real quiet
for a minute or two
and then I said,
"Have YOU been tested?"
and she got real quiet
for a minute or two
and then we rolled inwards
and held each other
and stayed quiet
the rest of the night,
not saying a word

just
holding
each
other)

III.
Robert (the first casualty)

You were the first to die
after I enlisted
after I started to fight the war

You made me cry a lot

You made me cry the very first time
I ever saw one of your pieces
Saw an actual physical piece
with my own eyes
for the first time

It was St. Louis
It was 1989
It was the piece
with the two men
with no body hair
side by side
black and white
like two crescent moons
peeking over the edge
of a Tattoine horizon

The piece glowed
this is what no one warned me about

I had been told of your new technique
of printing on fabric
so that the ink bled just the
tiniest bit
so that it looked like
an aura
around the subject matters
I had been told about this
It was in all my classes

But when I saw it with my own eyes

Your piece came alive
right in the front of me
in the silent, white room
Your piece came alive
Shimmered and shaked
in front of my eyes

And sure
I didn't like the pieces
that were the pieces
that no one else liked either
and that made you the martyr
but does that matter?
You made flowers dance in front of my eyes
You made celebrities come alive
You made cocks turn into
maybe the most fascinating thing I had ever seen in my life
(well, I mean,
besides my own)

I cried
in St. Louis
in 1989
in the middle of a white room
surrounded by white people
I cried
because the men
the moons
danced
in front of my eyes
and I suddenly realized
what you had done for me
without you even knowing me

I suddenly realized
This Is What I Want To Do
I want to make strangers cry

And just like Woodstock will
never mean the same thing again
for my parents
Cincinnati will
never mean the same thing again
for me

I cried at Cincinnati
at the injustice
at the people making a career
out of trashing your career
and what I wanted to scream
into a bullhorn
in front of all the people
was

"Haven't you people seen the photos?
How could you see the photos
and still be out here protesting?

I cried
because you suddenly made me understand
how careful you have to be
when fighting god
how crafty he can be
when he starts to lose

Your book used to be small
and cost twenty bucks
and then it got bigger
and cost fifty
and bigger
and a hundred
and bigger
and a hundred and fifty

and the last photo
was in Time, I remember this
I remember this
how strange it was to
see your photo in Time
a cane
a skull
and you
staring straight at me
telling me

"You've been warned

And I cried
and I cried and I cried and I cried
I cried with Ann
I drank with Ann
I toasted with Ann
and then we
both
cried
some
more

And sometimes, Robert,
sometimes
I pray to you
even though I'm an atheist

to tell you
that they told me
that if you affect one person
then you've succeeded
and you succeeded

that I understand
that you never wanted to be a hero
but you were one anyway

that you were the first casulty
of the war
after I joined
after I went to draft office
stood in my line
got my fatigues

you were the first casulty
and I will never forget you
and I will never let them forget you

Robert
Robert was his name
He died of the plague
He made photographs that sang
and danced
He made a lot of people happy
and he made a lot of other people cry

Robert
Robert was his name