The following can also be found in the book Chicago Stories 1996. Click here to learn more, and to download a free electronic copy.

I have this... thing about being naked in front of other people.

You have this... thing about the size of your breasts.

I have a thing about Chicago.

You have a thing about Texas.

I have this thing about girls who are scientists.

You have this thing about guys who play an instrument.

I have a thing about Pavement.

You have a thing about the Indigo Girls.

I have a thing about smoking...

You have a thing about smoking.

I have a thing about getting kissed on the back of my neck...

You have a thing about a tongue in your ear...

I have this thing about blowjobs...

You... have this thing about blowjobs.

(Pause)

I have a thing about having dinner together at least once a week.

You have a thing about introducing me to your co-workers.

I have this thing about buying flowers.

You have this thing about making mix tapes.

I have a thing about e.e. cummings.

You have a thing about Anne Sexton.

I have this thing about doing it with the lights on...

You... have this thing about doing it with the lights on.

I have a... (frowns) thing... about summer vacations.

You have a... thing about internships.

I have a thing about you being in my room when I'm not there.

You have a thing about me showering in your bathroom.

I have this thing about living together.

You... (frowns and pauses) have this thing about... living together.

I have a... (frowns and pauses) thing about your new roommates.

You have a thing about me having a thing about your new roommates.

I have a thing about you suddenly having a thing about French males.

You have a thing about controlling personalities!

I have a thing about receiving apologies!

You have a thing about kissing and making up.

I have this thing about blowjobs...

You... have this thing about blowjobs.

(Pause)

I have a thing about us never going out on Saturdays nights any more.

You have a thing about the people I do go out with on Friday nights.

I have a thing about your clothes.

You have a thing about my drinking.

I have a thing about your constant attempts to act like you're a better person than me.

You have a thing about my self-inflicted fuck-ups because I have issues with my childhood!

Well, I have a thing about your pressure on me to graduate early!

Oh yeah, well you have a thing about graduating and hanging around a stupid fucking collegetown waiting for me to get my shit together!

Well, I have a thing about the entire concept of us even dating!

Actually... (long pause) you also have a thing about the entire concept of us even dating.

(Pause)

I have this thing about liquor.

(At a faster and faster pace) You have this thing about crying.

I have this thing about crying... You have this thing about liquor... I have this thing about blowjobs...

(Pause) You... have this thing about blowjobs.

(Pause)

I have this thing about grad school.

You have this thing about grad school.

I have a thing about Chicago.

You have a thing about Texas.